It is, what it is Except it isn't
by nicotin08
Summary: Dean is living in the alternate reality that the djinn created. With no recollection of his old life. Episode tag: 2x20 - What is and what should never be. Additional Author: DisturbingXDesires
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: We do not own Supernatural or any of the characters in it.**

Prologue

"Wait!" Sam exclaimed, while Dean turned the knife towards his own body. As Dean pushed the knife against his chest, something caught his attention. Alerted, he turned his head to the right and was surprised to see his mother walking out of the shadows.

He looked back at Sam, his brother's hazel eyes were filled with worry. "Why did you have to keep digging?" Sam asked with a hoarse voice. At this point Dean noticed Carmen and Jessica who were both slowly approaching him. "Why couldn't you have left well enough alone? You were happy." Sam continued.

"Put the knife down, Honey," Mary begged her firstborn.

"You are not real," Dean said as he shook his head in denial. "None of it is."

He looked over his mother's shoulder and his eyes locked with Carmen's, who cocked her head to one side, slightly.

"It doesn't matter," his mother continued and Dean once again looked at her. "It's still better than anything you had."

"What?" asked Dean, incredulously.

"It's everything you want. We are a family again." Said Mary. She gave a small smile and continued. "Let's go home."

"I'll die," Dean began. "The Djinn will drain the life out of me in a couple of days."

"But in here, with us, it will feel like years. Like a lifetime" Mary said. Dean once again looked over his mother's shoulder, this time making eye-contact with his brother. Sam gave a small smile and nod. "I promise," Mary said and gently grabbed Dean's chin, so his attention was on her again.

"No more pain or fear. Just love, comfort and safety." Mary continued, an angelic smile lighting up her face. "Dean, Stay with us." She reached up and softly caressed his cheek and he leaned into her touch. Until then he hadn't realized how much he had missed her comfort. "Get some rest."

"You don't have to worry about Sam anymore. You get to watch him have a full life." Jessica said.

Carmen walked up to him and placed a tender kiss on his lips. Dean's eyes closed as he kissed her back just as gently. "We can have a future together. " She said after pulling back. "Have our own family. I love you, Dean. please."

She walked away making room for Sam. Sam said, "Why is it our job to save everyone?" he swallowed, "Haven't we done enough?"

Sam's gaze shortly fell on the knife, before he looked up at his brother and said, "Give me the knife." He held his hand out so that he could receive the knife.

Thoughts of Real-Sam were running through Dean head. How could he even consider staying here and leaving Sam alone? Sure he had Bobby, but Dean couldn't imagine a life without Sam and he was pretty sure Sam felt the same way.

"You will forget about him. You will not have any recollection of your real life. This will be your reality." Sam said, as if he could read his mind.

Dean considered leaving his old life behind, leaving brother behind.

When Dean didn't hand over the knife, Sam slowly reached out for it. Sam had been expecting Dean to tighten his hold on the knife, but instead he just let it fall down into Sam's hand. Sam looked up at his brother, surprised to see the look of resignation on his face.

Dean went limp as he was surrounded by darkness. The last thing he saw was "his brother" rushing forward to catch his falling body.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 – It's Ordinary Day… Except it isn't

The sun shone through the thin curtains hitting Dean's face, causing him to wake with a groan. He reached over, feeling for Carmen next to him and as always was met by the cool fabric of the duvet. Carmen would always wake up early even on her days off, it never ceased to amaze Dean how much energy the woman had. He stayed in bed for a little longer, starring at the ceiling. His thoughts wandered of to the night before and a smirk grew on his face as he remembered his and Carmen's 'activities'. Now, he mentally thanked god for giving Carmen as much energy as she had. She was perfect. He took on some pants, not bothering to wear underwear. Hell, it was his day off he was gonna make sure he was as comfortable as he could get, and he was hoping that later he was gonna have to take them off anyways. He pulled on a green t-shirt as he went downstairs, smiling as he entered the kitchen.

"Good morning Beautiful," he said and placed a kiss on Carmen's cheek. She looked up and smiled at him before once again focusing on making breakfast. Dean sat down at the table, but it wasn't long before he got bored so he walked over to where Carmen stood and wrapped his arms around her waist, leaning his head on her shoulder.

"So what are we doing today?" he asked, already having a couple of ideas himself.

"I am going shopping with Jess," she said, much to Dean's annoyance.

"Why can't you guys go shopping some other day? Sundays are the only days we're both home."

"Dean, come on you have to give her a chance, she's a great girl." Carmen said.

" I am sure she is," Dean said as he started nibbling her neck. "But wouldn't you rather stay here with me and do nothing?"

She let him continue the demonstrations of what were to come if only she stayed for a little while, before turning in his arms. "I promised her that we would have girls-day-out and besides if I did stay here, you and I both know that we would not be doing nothing."

Dean tried to look offended as he said, "What are you indicating, that I am some kind of man-slut?" He held the face for a few seconds, but couldn't hold up the act as a smile crept over his features. "'Cause if you are, you're totally right. I am a man-slut...but only for you." Carmen laughed at him, and Dean sent her a pleading look, which only caused her to laugh even harder.

"And don't you forget it," she said and pecking his pouty lips. "...and don't pout."

"Why? I look totally adorable when I pout."

"No," Carmen said in between giggles. "you look ridiculous."

They ate in a comfortable silence, before Dean finally asked, "So...are you staying home?"

"Dean,"

"Fine, I could use a Dean-day anyway." said Dean and his lower lip moved a little forward, almost forming a pout before he caught himself and retrieved his lower lip. He looked up at Carmen to see if she had noticed and if the smug smile on her face was anything to go by she had. Dean looked down at his plate and returned to his breakfast.

A silence once again fell over them, this time Carmen was the one to break it.

"You should call Sam. You guys could grab a beer and catch up," she said, cautiously, and pointedly avoiding his gaze.

Dean pushed his plate away, his appetite suddenly gone. "Nah, I got some stuff to care of and besides Sammy doesn't wanna see me." the usual cheerfulness had left his voice. He got up and left the room.

"Dean... come on," he heard his girlfriend say, her last attempt at having breakfast together. He stripped his clothes and went back to bed, suddenly feeling depressed. The relationship, if you could call it that, he had with his brother had always been strained, they never talked or saw each other, other than at holidays where they would be gathered at his mother's house. They hadn't been close since Sam hit puberty and things had always been awkward between them, Dean had never minded, of course he wanted to talk more with his brother, but lately it's like something was missing from their relationship.

**A/N: Please Review! We really have some great ideas to where the story is going. **


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 – He Saw A Ghost… Except He Didn't

Dean dragged himself to work the next day. He was still a little grumpy, though he knew he didn't really have a reason to be. Carmen had spent the entire day out with Jessica and even though Dean had been quite annoyed he had ended up enjoying himself. He had hung around the house until late afternoon and after that he went out for a couple of drinks with Jimmy, their neighbor. When he had made it home, Carmen and Jessica where in the living room saying their last goodbye before Jess and Sam had to go back to their apartment in California. Dean had simply given her a small awkward hug with a muttered 'goodbye' before heading up to his and Carmen's room to get ready for bed. He was exhausted and had been asleep before Carmen had come up. To make matters worse she had already left for work when got up the next day. He was pissed at himself for not staying up later the night before to at least assure his beautiful girlfriend that he wasn't upset with her. He had acted like a teenage girl on her period just because she had brought up his brother.

He passed the old sign, with the slightly fading letters, indicating that he had made it to 'Singer Auto Salvage'. As he walked to the front desk, Bobby was on his way out for the day. He got like that every once in a while, he would need a day or two off so he would leave the shop to Dean. Besides being worried about what was going through the old man's head, Dean didn't mind it. He loved the calmness that overcame him when he was fixing an engine or any other part of a random car that needed fixing. Dean immediately began working. A man had brought in a car almost beyond fixing, but Dean was going to be damned if he didn't at least try his best to get the engine running again.

It was around seven o'clock and it had already gotten dark. The shop had been closed for about an hour. Dean had finished fixing almost half of the car and he was determent to get the bonnet done before going home that night. Dean had just finished up the hood when the lights started flickering and a sudden chill hit him. He looked around to see if any windows or doors were open as to explain it as a draft, but even before being sure that there wasn't anything open he knew that this wasn't the case. He was used to the lights flickering in the garage, for some reason the electricity was always weaker out there, but never had he ever experienced that the lights flicker and a chill hitting him at once. Anyone else in his place would have been completely terrified at this point, but for some reason Dean felt confident, content even. A feeling of being invincible coursing through his veins as if he was about to save the world. A laugh tore its way through him at the ridiculous thought. **Him, Dean Winchester, saving the world? Yeah, right**! The lights started going crazy. Turning completely off, leaving the garage pitch black for seconds at a time before returning, shinning brighter than ever before. Dean felt some of the confidence leave his body as he became more cautious. He spun around himself making sure that he was alone in there. He felt stupid doing so, because he had been alone the entire day, except a few customers that just needed a check-up, and the old door that led to the garage would surely make a lot of noise as it did every time somebody opened it. As he faced the second window he thought he saw what looked like a young woman's silhouette in between the broken cars, or what was left of them. His heart was racing as he made his way toward the window to get a better look. He could now see her clearly. She was only dressed in an old worn-out white dress, no shoes, no purse, nothing other than the dress that were clearly too thin to keep the cold out. She should've been shivering, but instead she looked as if she hadn't even noticed the cold weather out there. The only thing that was evident that the weather had affected her in the least was her skin. It was pale beyond belief. She looked like what Dean had always imagined a ghost would look like. Her brown curly hair was a mess and her eyes had dark bags under them. Dean would never admit it to anyone, but she scared the crap out of him. **Suck it up, you wussy!** Dean scolded himself. **Dad would turn in his grave if he knew he had raised you to be such a princess.**

Dean jumped when the first few tunes of 'highway to hell' filled the otherwise silent room. He grabbed his phone and checked the caller-id before answering. "Hey sweetie. What's up?" He greeted distantly. He looked up to see that the woman was gone. He looked around the yard as Carmen told him something, her voice frantic. He knew it had to be important, but his mind was filled with thoughts of the, now missing, woman. The only words he caught onto was 'heart attack' and 'hospital'. That caught his attention, but before he could ask what was going on, the line went dead.

**A/N: Please Review. We kind of just update the story randomly. But we are going to update it at least every second week. **


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N: BTW: When Dean forgot about his old life, the other characters did, too. **

Chapter 3 – We are going home… Except we aren't

Sam had just finished packing their stuff, his clothing were neatly folded and his belongings were packed so that he could easily find them if needed, when Jess walked into the hotel room. She smiled at him and crossed the short distance between them. Her arms came up and rested around his neck as she raised herself a little so that she was standing on her tiptoes and gently pressed her lips to his.

Sam pulled back slightly, "Well, hello to you, too." he said with a soft smile against her soft lips. She didn't say anything just connected their lips again. Just as Sam was about to pull back again she deepened the kiss. She led them to the big bed and pushed them down on it, not once separating their lips. Just as things were about to get heated -well more heated- she stood up and grabbed a towel and made her way towards the bathroom door.

Sam raised himself so that he was resting on his elbows, "W-wha... Where are you going?" He asked confused. His mind was having a little trouble with focusing. Jess turned around to face him and raised her right hand, with the towel in it. "I'm gonna take a shower." she stated innocently. "Jess!" Sam whined. She once again turned, this time she had a smug smile on her lips. This was exactly the reaction she had wanted. A few minutes passed and Jess was expectantly looking at Sam with raised eyebrows. At the perplexed look on Sam's face her smile widened, "Well aren't you gonna join me?" She asked and gave him a mischievous smile before walking into the bathroom, making sure to leave the door open and giving Sam a perfect view of her retrieving back as she pulled her shirt over her head.

Sam and Jessica were in a cab on their way to the airport. Sam had his arm around Jess and his chin resting on her head as she was leaning on him. She pulled back a little so she could see his face. "You know," she started a little cautious, "we could make a detour to your family members houses and say goodbye." Sam knew she meant Dean and Carmen's house specifically, but didn't comment on it.

"Sam..." Jess continued.

"Jess, we don't have time." said Sam, his voice making it clear that this was a matter he didn't want to discuss any further. Jess leaned on him again, snaking her arms around his waist. She knew that Sam and Dean had never had a great relationship, but she thought that they needed each other. Though she wished for things to be different she'd found out early on in her and Sam's relationship that it was a matter that Sam didn't like to talk about. None of them said anything for the rest of the ride.

As they were about to board, Sam's phone started going off. He reached into his back-pocket and retrieved the small device. It was his mom.

"Hey mom. We're about to board, so this has got to be quick." Sam said once he answered.

"Sammy...sweetie.." she said hesitantly. "I've got some bad news."

"Mom what's wrong? Are you okay?" Sam could feel the panic in him stirring. His mind started making up awful scenarios of what could be wrong. His mom with a disease or Dean being in a car-crash or something happening to Carmen or Bobby or maybe... 'Calm down' Sam told himself. He was making himself panic even more.

"Honey I am okay," she said putting emphasis on I. "But Bobby...h-he is in the hospital."

His Brain kind of just stopped functioning. Something had happened to Bobby, the man who was like father to him. He didn't know how to deal with that kind of information. His thoughts were interrupted as his mother's crying increased. She had been crying through most of their conversation, but when she let out a heart-wrenching sob Sam almost lost it. He had always hated it when his mother cried, couldn't think of a lot of things that were worse than that. It broke his heart when his mother was in pain, physical or psychologically.

He tried calming her down just a notch, before stating that he and Jessica would come to the hospital right away.

They almost ran to the receptionist's desk.

"Bob- uhm, Robert Singer?" Sam corrected himself. It felt weird calling Bobby by his full name. He couldn't think of a time where he'd ever said his full name before.

The nurse at the desk tapped at the keyboard in front of the computer and finding the needed information before looking up at them and saying, "Room 312."

They made their way through the wide corridors of the hospital. The hospital rooms flying past them at a quick pace as they made their way to the room in which Bobby was located. They found the room and Sam stood in front of the door, frozen to the spot, Jess gently nudged his shoulder, causing him to wake up from his trance-like state. He pushed the door open, dreading what was on the other side of it. His mom was sitting in one of the chairs. In the chair next to her Carmen was sitting, with her head in her hands. He briefly wondered where Dean was before his focus landed on Bobby in the bed, pipes going in and out of him. Sam hated the sight of him so weak. He was used to seeing Bobby up and running, always so full of energy, this was the total opposite of that and Sam despised it.

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! Please follow/favorite :D There will be a new chapter coming soon :D **


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 – The silence is peaceful… Except it isn't

Dean made his way through the hospital, Carmen had already texted him the room number. He found the room and stood in front of door for a few minutes, composing himself, before he pushed the door open. His heart sank when he saw Bobby lying in the bed, pale and weak. His eyes were frantically moving beneath his eyelids, as if he was having a nightmare and a tiny sheen of sweat covered his forehead. Dean couldn't help but marvel over if Bobby was actually having a night in his coma-induced sleep. Dean hadn't even acknowledged anyone else's presence, when he moved over to stand by the bed. He hesitantly grabbed Bobby's hand, cramming the slightly smaller hand in both of his. A lump formed in his throat as he kept his gaze on Booby. Dean gritted his teeth as a few tears gathered in his eyes. He wasn't gonna let them fall. He wasn't. Because that would mean that something was wrong and there was absolutely nothing wrong. Everything was fine.

'Denial isn't just a river in Egypt ' a voice in his head said. He had no idea where he had heard it, but it kinda stuck. Dean had never understood why people where in denial, things were as they were, making yourself believe otherwise wasn't gonna change the reality of it. He had never understood it... until now that is. He found comfort in telling himself that this was all fake, a nightmare and that he would wake up any minute now.

He hadn't realized that the tears had started streaming down his face until a stray tear rolled down his face and continued down his throat. He let go of Bobby's right hand in order to reach up and dry the single tear that had made its way to his collarbone before reaching up and drying his cheeks. He stood motionless for what felt like hours, before being pulled out of his trance-like state as two smaller arms sneaked around his waist. Carmen rested her head on his shoulder and pressed a tentative kiss to his neck.

The rest of the day went by in a blur with the others leaving and returning to the room multiple times, Dean only left the room once when he had to use the restroom, but even then he had been reluctant to leave Bobby's side. Carmen tried comforting him a few times, but he couldn't focus on anything other than Bobby's still form. After he'd cried the first time he hadn't cried any more, but the lump in his throat had yet to subside.

He at some point looked around in the room, other than Sam, he was the only one left in the room.

"Where did everyone go?" said Dean, his voice hoarse from lack of use.

"Mom went home, and Carmen and Jess just left as well." Sam said, without looking at him.

Dean took a closer look and saw that his baby brother looked like shit. His eyes were red-rimmed and bags where forming under them. His cheeks were slightly puffy and wet from the crying. Dean was perplexed as to how his brother could sit beside him crying without Dean noticing. HIs brotherly instincts kicked in as he stared at his sibling. He couldn't stop himself from being worried about his younger brother, even if it was something as small as scraping his knee or hitting his head against a solid surface when they were younger, Dean had never liked it when Sam cried. He felt as if he had failed in protecting him somehow, when he saw tears brim from his brother's eyes.

"You should probably get going too." Dean said softly, barely above a whisper.

"Nah, I think I'm gonna stay here." Sam answered, still not looking at Dean.

"Yeah," Dean ran his palm over his face. "Me too."

The room was silent for a few minutes, before Sam broke it with a frustrated sigh.

"I can't believe we're here again." he ran his hand through his - too long - hair.

"At least this, we don't know the outcome of. He could...He will wake up. With Dad…, "Dean's voice cracked a little. He cleared his throat, trying to regain some control over his voice before he continued. "He was already gone..." he trailed off, not able to finish what he had initially wanted to say.

Dean woke up as rays of sun shone through the window. He had a crook in his neck from sleeping in a sitting position. He looked to his right and found that Sam was in the same predicament and odds were that his neck would be even more of a bitch than Dean's was, because of the way his tall frame was crammed into the small chair. Dean didn't have to wait long before Sam started stirring beside him.

"Morning," Sam said groggily.

Dean simply nodded curtly as an answer.

Around noon the silence got too much for Dean to handle and this was the longest the brothers had been in a room since Sam moved away. He wouldn't let the opportunity of bonding with his brother pass him by.

"So," he drew the word out. "How are things with you and Jess."

Sam threw his brother a fatigued look and sighed. "Dean, please don't try and make conversation. Just because we're both here, doesn't mean that we are obligated to talk. I have been with Jess for two years and not once have you asked me that. You obviously don't care, so how about..."

Dean had been shocked by his brother's accusation, but his focus had quickly shifted to the movement outside of Bobby's room. He looked through the windowpane in the door and saw the girl whom he'd seen in the salvage yard, standing outside Bobby's room. She was still wearing the same as at their last encounter. Her eyes were on Dean. He felt a chill go through him when their eyes locked.

**A/N: PLEASE TELL US WHAT YOU THINK. FOLLOW/FAVORITE. We love our readers3**

**Next Chaper Release: **The writer is on a vacation. But Chapter 5 will be ou soon :D


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